Everything I Need to Know About Humanity I Learned at an Open House

After hosting hundreds of open houses over nearly four decades in real estate, I've learned that an open house is not a marketing event but an opportunity to appreciate human nature and human beings.

Visitors to open houses believe they are looking at a home and shopping for real estate. That’s true to some extent, yet – from my perspective – it’s more like they’re part of a naturalistic observation study. They are revealing their hopes, fears, insecurities, dreams and eccentricities. For me – the listing agent – it’s often enlightening and always entertaining.

Please meet the cast of characters.

The Curious Neighbor

Officially, they're "just stopping by.” Unofficially, they know exactly what the seller paid for the house in 1997 and how long the kitchen remodel took. They are curious to see “what they did” in the backyard “because it took two years and trucks were coming and going at all hours of the day and night.” They are prepared to explain to other visitors why this is either the best block in town (yeah) or a street that is heading straight to the dogs (yikes). My approach is to hold would-be buyers close and to hold neighbors even closer, because you never know what inadvertently troublesome thing the gentleman or lady next door is going say.

The Perennial Looky-Lou

This person has religiously attended open houses every weekend for the last fifteen years. They have no intention of buying or selling. They simply enjoy imagining different lives. One day they're considering a remodeled Victorian within walking distance of 24^th Street. Next week it will be a Pacific Heights condo in an elevator building. The week after that, a fixer-upper within three blocks of Ocean Beach but not too near Taraval, Judah, Noriega or Sunset. I am amused and amazed by these folks, because I would almost always rather be anywhere besides at an open house on the weekend.

The Fantasizer

The Fantasizer desperately wants the house. Unfortunately, the place costs approximately three times what they can afford. Still, they wander from room to room imagining Thanksgiving dinners, grandchildren visiting, morning coffee on the deck. They comment on the wallpaper, then ask where the stager got that armchair. They are always friendly and a bit wistful. I feel sad watching them, yet I remember that imagination is the key to action and change. So, I trust they’ll find other ways to make their dreams come true.

The Couple

Every couple arrives carrying an invisible script. One partner is usually focused on practicality: "How old is the roof?" "What are the property taxes?" "Where would we put the recycling bins?" The other is focused on possibility. "Can you picture Christmas here?" "Look at the morning light." "This room just feels good." I try to support their journey by giving both members of the couple space to express themselves and to feel legitimized in their thinking; it takes two to tango and it’s a complicated dance.

The Critic

This character is ostensibly a shrewd and discerning home buyer. They know everything there is to know about the quest for real estate. They know the market intimately. They know exactly what to ask me, the listing agent. But they’ve been searching for three years already, without success. Nothing meets their standard because it’s a continually moving target. The more they know, the less they’re inclined to act. (If the Critic is part of a Couple, it usually means a separation will soon be in the works.) When I encounter a Critic, a ratchet up my Compassion (for others and self) an extra couple of notches.

The Agent

Contrary to popular belief, the agent is not there to “sell.” The agent is translating. They're translating fears into questions, objections into conversations, and dreams into reality-based action plans. They’re also presenting their buyers to the listing agent in as flattering a light as possible – steering the client away from saying something that would undermine their buying credentials, making sure the client doesn’t accidentally insult the seller representative, and preventing the client from acting too enthusiastic and thereby encouraging competitors to compete harder. Agents are part therapist, part diplomat, part tour guide, part chauffeur and part actor. I get it, and I like to watch other agents in action because there’s always something to learn about how to be better.

The Tourist

They’re heard about San Francisco real estate and – in particular – San Francisco prices. This open house visitor breaks into two camps. They’re either entertained and oohing and aahing about the place. Or they’re loudly shouting, “A million dollars? A million dollars? Why, back in {fill in the blank with Anytown, US} you could get four houses for that! Who in their right mind would pay that much? There’s not even a garage!” I usually just grimace and nod and remind myself how fortunate I am to not live in Anytown, US.

The Tourist in Need of a Bathroom

This is why you’ll see toilet lids closed with blue painter’s tape and a sign that says “Do Not Use.” It’s not that we’re being unkind. It’s just that we agents know it only takes one desperate ditch into a powder room to destroy the ambience of an open house. Enough said on that topic.

In Other Words...

An open house is a reminder that real estate isn’t really about real estate, and that people never make decisions based solely on logic. They’re shopping for belonging, safety and meaning. They’re shopping for a future. It’s that human side of my business that I love.