Stoicism in San Francisco Real Estate

"I judge you unfortunate because you have never lived through misfortune. You have passed through life without an opponent— no one can ever know what you are capable of, not even you." ~ Seneca

If you’ve noticed a recent uptick in quotes from and posts about the Stoics, you’re not imagining it. Stoicism is trending in these “troubling times.”

People love how practical and down-to-earth it is—no need for religious baggage, just solid advice for building emotional strength and becoming the best version of yourself. It gives you a clear game plan for handling life’s curveballs. You focus on what you can control and you let the rest of that s**t go! After all, all we have is reality so may as well deal with it.

An online search will yield lots of information about how to apply stoicism to real estate (or any kind of) investment. Here’s just one example. But, from my perspective as an experienced Realtor, there are more holistic and helpful ways to use stoic ideas as a support during the process of buying or selling real estate:

Focus only on what you can control. Neither you nor your agent can steer the market, understand the motivation of others, get others to do exactly what you want, or accurately predict what will happen next in any situation. So don’t even try! You’ll save yourself a lot of energy and aggravation. As the Rolling Stones famously sang, “You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you’ll get what you need.”
Practice emotional detachment: This is a little bit tricky because it’s sometimes interpreted as needing to deny emotions altogether. Residential real estate is always fraught with difficult emotions – fear, anger, worry, regret, blaming. Instead, actively practice compassion for yourself and others. Nobody’s perfect or perfectly unemotional. Not even you! So give everyone a break and you’ll feel a whole lot better.
Accept the inevitable: You may get lucky. You may not. You may buy high and sell low. You may get a record price for the condo you regarded as “crappy” when you bought it yourself five years ago. Let your agent take the lead and trust in their skill, but remember that neither you nor they have any real control over exactly what goes down. The more easily you can accept reality, the happier you’ll be – whatever happens.
Be in the present moment and live the “rest” of your life in the midst of a search or sale: Don’t dwell on past mistakes or worry about future uncertainties. Don’t go down a neurotic rabbit hole trying to “solve” everything. Don’t micro manage. Don’t look for people or things to blame. Patience and faith can be extremely helpful in navigating the often lengthy and uncertain process of buying or selling real estate.
Practice virtue ethics: Keep in mind the “four cardinal virtues” of prudence, temperance, fortitude, and justice. This will help you make wise and ethical decisions that’ll make you feel good in the long run, regardless of whether you view the result as a “win” or a “loss.” (While you’re at it, stop thinking in terms of wins and losses. This isn’t a game.)

Here’s an example of how this might look. Imagine you are a seller and you receive a low offer on your property. Instead of getting angry or becoming entrenched or blaming your agent, you can take a deep breath and work with the reality of the offer.. Recognize it as just one offer from a potential buyer who can buy any house they can afford but who wants to buy your house. Consider with your agent how you can respond effectively to the offer. Don’t elect to be affronted. Don’t squirm around in pain. Accept that this is just part of the process. Look to your trusted representative for objective help and advice.

I’ve walked this road with numerous clients over many years, and – despite my best efforts to support them – I’ve witnessed people tearing themselves and their relationships apart when reality doesn’t meet their expectations. But I’ve also witnessed people who’ve found a peaceful way through by accepting reality, practicing compassion, thinking rationally, trusting me and having faith that it’s all going to be okay. It can really be quite simple.