As Thanksgiving Approaches

If you’re reading this, you probably are resourced enough to have a place to live. You’re educated and have a livelihood. You know people who care about you. You are a seeker of truth and goodness. You want to find and fulfill your purpose in life. You may also be healthy, insured, white, relatively monied, and good looking—like me.

You may be devoted to helping others make their way in the world. That is also “like me,” since I consider my work helpful in that I support people in finding, making, and keeping their homes. Yet I’m aware of how insensitive and hypocritical that sounds, given that I’m not exactly Mother Teresa and I’m not trading in my real estate practice for a life of service to the poor anytime soon.

Instead, I’m writing an offer on a $2 million Russian Hill condo and then snapping a photo of an unhoused person asleep against the chain-link fence surrounding a multi-million-dollar development site. I’m leaving my car at home to take the J-train to show property in the Financial District and feeling solidarity with my fellow riders—many of whom use MUNI solely because they can’t afford any other choice. I’m stopping by Target to pick up a “cheap” $50 vest and noticing the tired-looking mom in her janitor’s uniform digging for one more dollar to complete her purchase of diapers.

I could go on and on. Down through the layers of suffering from horrific and unthinkable (war, disease, homelessness, crime, AI taking over the world) to ordinary and every-day (home maintenance, tech issues, working, communicating, finding love). Suffering of every type and scope lives everywhere on the planet. Suffering is entirely unique for each person and it’s entirely universal at the same time. It will never end. And there’s so much suffering that it’s hard to know where to even begin.

I despair of it, locally, nationally and globally. And every now and then it’s suggested to me that—as an agent—I should stop what I’m doing and instead solve the affordable housing crisis in San Francisco. This adds to my despair but also makes me feel a wee bit defensive. It makes me want to say, “No, YOU solve the crisis! Good luck with that.”

The first thing that helps me in these moments is noticing the suffering inherent in this and every moment. The second thing that helps me is having compassion for the suffering of the advice-dispensing person and for myself, as well as for the unhoused, for the poor, for the oppressed, for all. The third thing that helps is calling up gratitude not only for this moment and this encounter but for all (with a capital A) the universe delivers—the good, the bad, and the ugly.

You may roll your eyes and woo-woo me as you flash on Deepak, Eckart, Pema, the Dalai Lama, Thich Nhat Hanh, and every other wise being or social media influencer who has advocated these practices. Yes, you’ve heard it all before. Yet after 60+ years of seeking, I keep circling back to Noticing, Compassion, and Gratitude as vital to a life well lived.

So go about your business. Feed your children. Find your joy. But remember: You owe it to the universe to not ignore the suffering. Notice the toothless woman begging for drug money outside Bi-Rite as you head in to grab some wine and cheese. Notice how sad that makes you feel as you grab your grocery basket. Breathe in compassion for yourself as you proffer your credit card. Breathe out compassion for the panhandler as you exit. As you walk the two blocks home, have some gratitude in your heart for your legs, your shoes, your freedom, your home, your friends, and the dinner you’re about to enjoy.

Noticing spurs compassion. Compassion eases suffering. Gratitude makes all of it worthwhile.